Faddish Fettish? Or Do you Like her Long time? DEE DISHES- IS ASIAN THE NEW BLONDE?

It didn’t take long after stepping out of my car for a night out to hear the screeching halt of vehicles, the obnoxious cat calls, and the glances turned into paralyzed gazes. I think I even peeked a couple of pitched tents. Giggling to myself I thought ‘Men,’ mentally shaking my head. It was as if these guys left any sense at home as well as the mere memory of a girlfriend clinging onto their arms as they walk by. As I continued on, those girls rolled their eyes in disgust upon realizing the distraction of their men.

Sure, a part of me would have felt fairly flattered by the attention, but the hoards of provocation were nowhere near directed to me. By some sort of grace of protection I was relieved that it was not I who garnered the objectivity so thickly pressed on. The force behind all this commotion was my partner in crime, Mariko, who judging by the 5 minutes into our night, was downtown Detroit’s hottest new export. She was my childhood neighbor who is of Japanese and Chinese descent. Sure, I always thought she was a gorgeous girl, but never appreciated the massive hard on of a reaction men would have to a pretty face.

I knew there was a lack of a relevant asian demographic in the area, and the pick up lines used definitely assured me of that—“THAT DUCK SAUCE MAKES MY EGG ROOOOLLLL” Gasp! ‘Oh you have to f***ing be kidding me. did I really just hear that??,” I asked Mariko. She never is one to sulk in the glory of the attention, and is quite accustomed to it, so I lamented her frustrated sigh upon hearing the ignorant china doll themed phrasing. She wasn’t dressed provocatively. On the contrary, she was always a very classy dresser. So I thought to myself, what was it that made this overwhelming uproar so different to my other pretty friends that I frequent the nightlife with?

That was when I first witnessed the ever increasing popularity of Asian American women as a preference over any other race in the room. It was becoming a huge trend amongst most men I knew. Blonde girls were always the ones that seemed to rule the dating arena, regardless of her bone structure or mental capacity. As a brunette, I somewhat didn’t mind the new reign of an ethnic woman on top. I am growing comfortable with this new wave evolve of an affinity to exotic beauty over processed booby-bubbliness. (No offense to the blondes out there- just sayin’) “It’s the silky hair, the dark eyes, mysterious aura, and they’re usually smarter” says my brother who is also dating an asian woman. Sure, it was a completely subjective source, but he was on to something.

Psychology Today posed the question I was wondering: If a man has an Asian fetish, does this make him appreciative of diversity, or quite possibly racist? In a study Conducted by Korean-American Bitna Kim, who had witnessed the common pairing of White males and Asian females among family and friends, she set out to understand the phenomenon. In her interviews with non-Asian males, she found many held positive stereotypes of Asian women (though they were still stereotypes nonetheless).'These women are intelligent, educated, successful, family-oriented, and beautiful. Some males had a loving and fulfilling previous relationship with an Asian woman that they hoped to recapture by finding another Asian female.' (here is the article from PT) Made sense. So does this mean that the entire concept of yellow fever is built upon preconceived stereotypes of what men THINK asian women are like? Regardless, the trend will continue to grow

I couldn’t grasp the idea that the classic saying’ blondes have more fun’ would ever die out, but was starting to see the perks of having an asian friend around. Mariko couldn’t drink--some gift from the oriental Gods that leave her in a hyper allergic state upon ingesting a drop of liquor. That never stopped the offers from coming in though, a perk for me and my purse.

In a generation where yellow fever seems to be spreading rampant, and not only in a sub-genre fetish section of a porn store, I find a steering away from the traditional blonde hair blue eyed siren somewhat refreshing. I welcome a nomination for a new staple of a beauty siren in America, but will appreciate it more if focused on not only stereotypes of kinky submissiveness.

The Art of Seduction-Swagger 101

In regards to the cat and mouse game of a freshly sprouting relationship, how vital is it to play games? It can easily become a tortuous battle of who holds out their vulnerability the longest, with the one who gives in with any sort of emotion coming in last place. Some may disagree with me, and the terms "swagger" and "game" may piss people off...but i would say that having a healthy sense of psychology when dealing with relationships and not being overtly submissive can ultimately make that girl yours.

I'd like to say that I'm a pretty direct person, and I can definitely value an unabashed honesty in ones feelings to the other (C'mon a girls gotta hear shes beautiful every once in a while...) But GUYS...there is such thing as saying the wrong things too soon in a relationship. Knowing that you can have someone in the palm of your hands without a struggle can be a drawback to capturing the essence of attraction. Its unexplainable and doesn't make much sense about human nature but 'the Lure of the unattainable' is what drives people who are lovesick, moneysick, or wanting to fill any void if only temporary. Wanting what you can not have can inspire you to do unthinkable things. Does this mean that the motive behind your trek is based upon a false feathered up infatuation? Possibly, but it just might be enough to open the door to her world/pants/heart---whatever it is that your wanting.

As much as girls may complain about a guy not calling them back, there are certain elements of mystery that fuel desire, and can ultimately be an important ingredient to the spell of seduction. The term seduction can be quite misleading, because it incorporates being manipulative to get to a goal whether it be in the sac or at the altar. In matters of love, this doesn't seem too genuine... hearts can become brittle and bitter-TRUST me its happened to me... but keeping things spicy enough to make her want more can be a way to jumping that hurdle in calling that special someone yours.

The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. Yes its endearing, its absolutely charming and refreshing to find one of the last few men who believes in chivalry...but it unfortunately for me becomes one dimensional...monotonous to the point where i lose interest. This may confuse some... Ive had people tell me I am attracted to assholes. Let me clarify- I like men who have a confident sense of self, and who can read others well...There is such thing as a happy medium between a man who 'plays' women and one who is far too submissive.

Will I be chronically unsatisfied in my quest for finding this perfect balance? Who knows, but for now I know what attracts me, and it will not be the one who is willing to give his SS#, checkbook, amongst other things within a week of meeting him.

Are men genetically predisposed to polygamy?

Tiger Woods. Jesse James. Jude Law...etc. etc. are amongst the celebrities that have unvoluntarily been brought into the spotlight of celebrity scandal...but who represent a much larger plethora of men who conveniently have not been outed...yet.

It is almost a reality and a most certaintly uncomfortable one at that, that the chances of a man cheating on me are soaringly high. The more this happens, the more and more I see people propose the idea that men were never genetically meant to be monagamous. I truly believe that men are most likely never truly forthcoming about their affairs. If you can get away with it, why not right? But instead of eventually exchanging their Don Juan ways for repentance and commitment-they continue on, and on...and on with multiple women (via Tiger Woods)

What this proposed idea has done has rather brought men consolation in their time of guilt ridden adultery, and instead they find justification for their animalistic affinity to cheating. They claim "sex addiction" for outright impulsive and irrational behaviour, and get psychologically treated and lamented for this 'disease'... As if there were a solution to just being a man??? Instead of taking the harder road of admitting a lack of self control, the easier route seems to uplift other cohorts in supporting this new generation of men who think it is ok to cheat solely on the basis of being genetically normal with no scientificic empirical data to back it up. Its dissapointing to have many male friends who belong to this newly generated brotherhood of condoning and admiring such actions.

I recently watched a movie that said, "Find me the most beautiful girl in the world, and ill find you a guy who is sick of fucking her" (ie. Eric Benet-the 'sex addict' who cheated on Halle Berry)... it sounds absolutely exhausting. To be that cyclical of a vagina dweller without any sense of responsibility or devotion.

Does it truly come down to a genetic variance in this unavoidful dilemma? AND...How much does the term "Once a cheater always a cheater" affect girls who have been repeatedly forgiving of their significant others 'past'?? After all, why tell her you've cheated with three when you only told her about one and shes already forgiven you??

I personally have not come to a conclusion about this issue. If it is in fact true, than i opt out of dating for marriage indefinitely.

please share your thoughts, ideas, objections, i would love to hear.

before you say "i do"...dont

I am quite positive that i am not alone when i am left dumbfounded from the large amount of my classmates getting hitched One by one..each friend is drifting off into a marriage fantasy-land at such a young age. Leaves me left to wonder why...

Before you say i do...give this some thought...how about not getting married? shouldnt being together, be enough?

First of all...i find to many times that "true love " is often confused with the explosive experience or that craving of "falling" in love. This is where all barriers are suddenly collapsed. But this experience of sudden intimacy is unfortunately always short lived. After the intimacy is known, there are no more barriers to overcome. There is no more sudden closeness to be achieved. The "loved" person becomes as well known to the other as oneself (Ever heard "i know her/him more than she/he knows herself")? If there were more depth and less familiarity in the other, an infiniteness of a personality is consistently appreciated, then that miracle of overcoming those barriers occurs every day anew.

But for most...these encounters are too soon exhausted. Infatuation and sexual attraction takes over, Intimacy is confused for sexual contact.

soon the fairytale ends. OH NO! but how!? how TRAGIC. Well you SEE, Secondary to the exhaustion of the fast ridden relationship they seek love with a new person, with a new stranger. Again this stranger is transformed into an exhilarating new "intimate" person...and again, the intimacy becomes less and less, and ends in the wish for a new conquest, a new love- always with the illusion that the new love will be different than the latter. The deceptive character of sexual desire SUCKS people into this hole. Serial daters fall captive to a cycle of poor rapid/irrational choices.

Im sure there are many that are able to fuse a sexual relationship into a commited, responsible, choice to marry....

It just all seems much too trivial to me. I say for now...i choose to not marry. not for a loooong time....

anyhow ive said enough for today. heres my fave new jam. wish my voice was as distinct as sIa's:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSts_0sCUeg

always does good 4 me to read this.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere a voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quietly down under after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that the real world there arent always fairytale endings (or begginingsfor that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourelf..and in the process a sense of a newfound confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didnt do 4 you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people dont always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that its not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of al the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values youve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin withand in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty ad integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you dont learn everything, its not your job to save the world and that you cant teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when you stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as the really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone doesnt mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want things and to ask for things you wantand that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you wont settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time for exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels your soul. So you take more time to laugh and play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserveand that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone.and that its OK to risk asking for help. You learnt the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isnt always fair, you dont always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isnt punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. Its just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal statethe ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your hearts desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.